I. INTRODUCTION

In the 1960’s when Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, was a rabbinical student in New York, … he was sitting in a little hole-in-the-wall dairy restaurant in the Lower East Side, trying to negotiate his Talmud assignment. There was practically no one else in the place. But, an older man was sitting a few tables away. “Nu, young man,” said the onlooker, “I see you are a student. “So, let’s have an argument.” “But I DO believe in God,” replied the young Kushner, thrown entirely off balance. “Okay,” said the old Jew, “so I don’t.”
At the time R. Kushner simply didn’t understand the point, but he used many times later as a standard example of religious dialogue within Judaism.
.
In serious Judaism, we don’t close the book on good, important arguments. We keep them going. Arguing is valued and encouraged. Yeshiva study halls are nothing like libraries. They are noisy.
.II. THE CONCEPT OF MACHLOKET
We’ve all learned that it’s bad to argue. ……..
Last thing you’d expect would be for me to encourage it.

Hidden Brain podcast. Disagreements breed creativity, lack thereof breed apathy

Whole body of knowledge around a term— Machloket.
More than a disagreement……a constructive disagreement, a sacred disagreement

Sacred disagreements keep the discussion alive, keep the door open, adaptable to new realities

Disagreement b’shem shamayim
REPEAT

Rabbi Amy Eilberg, An argument fought for the sake of Heaven – i.e. for ultimate Truth and Goodness … will to generate truth and goodness as long as both parties push each other towards the common good- that is greater than any small-minded, selfish desire–

The purpose of any mahloket should be for the greater good. To improve the world. (b’shem shamayim)

Anyone ever had an argument? How did it go? How much of it is “b’shem shamayim?
Arguing is everywhere. Public arena to family dinner table and Twitter and FB.

Our religious tradition promotes disagreement while maintaining unity.
Current rabbinic conversations on: technology on shabbat and/or holidays, gender equality, drone warfare, wearing a mask, carrying a gun, virtual minyan, lock down/open up. And yes, our own conversations about climate change, where it’s safe to go, screen time and what’s for dinner.

Question: So the concept of sacred disagreements? Why is this a good thing?

Benefits: Keep evolving…….Keep the door open
III KEY CONCEPTS

A. The Talmud relates the story of a great rivalry between the descendants of Hillel and Shammai, disciples of two of the greatest rabbis of the 1st century. The school of Hillel tended to be lenient and the school of Shammai strict. At one point, the Talmud says, they were contesting 316 different issues.

And yet, the Talmud reports, the two rival camps always treated each other with kindness and affection, and their children never stopped marrying one another. That was because their arguments were limited to the matters at hand and never became personal.

B. WHILE BOTH SIDES ARE RIGHT ……

Then the Talmud goes on to say that while both sides are right, “the law is in agreement with Beit Hillel” (Eruvin 13b). Because their scholars “were kind and modest; they studied their own rulings and those of Beit Shammai, and were even so [humble] as to mention the opinions of Beit Shammai before their own….”

They deserved to lead, the text teaches, because of their conduct-what were those things?
They demonstrated respect for the opinions of their adversaries.
They did not demonize those with whom they disagreed.
They tried to faithfully represent the opposing view.
To do this they had to listen well and sincerely try to understand the others’ perspective
They demonstrated the mark of true leadership: secure in their own convictions, yet hum enough to make room for opposing opinions.
This is civility at its best.

Clearly the rabbis wanted Hillel’s gentle and inclusive approach to “win” most of the time, but not to win in a way that would end the discussion. The answer is not in the yea or nay, but in the relationship created by the two sides as a result of hanging in. The resolution happens when the dominant side incorporates the needs and worries of the weaker side into its own argument.

SUPER HARD Victory is achieved for everyone when both sides continue to recognize the legitimacy of their counterparts.”

One argument between Beit Hillel (House of Hillel) and Beit Shammai (House of Shammai) lasted three years. Each side insisted: “The law is according to our view.” Finally, a bat kol (heavenly voice) declared: “Eilu v’eilu divrei Elohim chaim —These and these are both the words of the living God” (Talmud Eruvin 13b).

How could two opposing sides both be right? Because both contained truth. The heavenly voice was teaching that no human being has a monopoly on truth.

When we are embroiled in a dispute we tend to assume that “in order for me to be right, you must be wrong.” But that is not always the case. Rabbi Brad Hirshfield’s book.
you don’t have to read the book. I’ll tell you
THE MESSAGE IS— IN EVERY INTERPRETATION, THERE IS SOME ELEMENT OF TRUTH

IV. THE MECHANICS OF ARGUING

What this is:
Courteous and polite actions, show respect, Watch your language….feathers… By holding your tongue, Let them talk count to three, breathe
Find common ground.
BE AN ACTIVE LISTENER, validating by attention and REPITITION,
Keep in mind the greater purpose. FOR THE SAKE OF HEAVEN

What this is not:
Proving that another person is wrong or making him look stupid
Tolerating the other guy.
Don’t Interrupt. Waiting for the other guy to finish, not listening. for your chance to make your points
Much more than about “winning.”

It IS about civil discourse to bring about a good result. In other words, b’shem shamayim

Where this applies:
Everywhere — small things matter
Negotiating chores
Heavier, Middle East peace, religion, politics, LGBTQ rights,

V. SHALOM V THE NEED TO STAND UP

A. SHALOM BAYIT Pick your battles

SHALOM BETTER THAN BEING RIGHT SOMETIMES
Shalom Bayit–Sometimes there is a case for silence, pick your battles.

Agree to disagree
.

B. BUT often the right thing to do IS TO Face the issue, employing the Jewish way,

Sometimes a machlochet b’shem shamayim can’t be avoided.
Being too polite
that some things are, and should be, intolerable to us. We retreat.

USY speaker, Jews in ovens, hate speech, bullying

I’m not the one. confidence, preparation, being nice, fear NEED conviction, guts,
Slam door, only talk to people with whom we agree, That’s another way to be guilty of retreat. Let evil go on and grow without a teachable moment.
There will always be differing opinions, based on lens, experience, situation

How might we create Machloket opportunities? Even if we don’t feel we convinced anyone, perhaps we at least got them thinking or opened a little crack in the door or warmed up our relationship?
LARRY.. Respectful request to stop messaging me.

So what comes into play?

  1. Civility–The midrash says that “Derech eretz, the commandment to act with common decency, preceded the giving of the Torah”
    As Rabbi Joseph Telushkin explains, “God could imagine humankind existing for thousands of years without the Torah, but [God] could not imagine human beings existing without…civility”
  2. Lubavitcher Rebbe, Express disagreement without being disagreeable
  3. B’tzelem courtesy elevates us, validate, don’t humiliate, Our egos.

C. IMPORTANT…There may be times that we absolutely need to walk away.
Sometimes it’s best to skip a difficult conversation:
Is this the right person, right time, right place to talk about this? Based on what I know about this person and our relationship, what can I realistically hope to achieve by having this conversation?

VI. INTROSPECTIVE QUESTIONS/ SELF EVALUATION

Any experiences with Sacred arguing? Where applicable today?
When have you retreated?
When have you had a respectful conversation?
Do you ever repeat the person’s position?
When you are awaiting your turn, do you really listen to others or just look at your phone or watch?
Is it about winning?
How do we empower ourselves?
Comments?

VII. CONCLUSION

Daniel Chefec article on Jewish Joke, You’re right, too!
I believe we should use the Hillel-Shammai model to have CONSRUCTIVE ARGUMENTS that stay polite and civil, but that goes beyond politeness and civility toward true speaking and listening.

We need to be willing to voice our opinion and to listen to those of others with an open mind. Very often we fall into the trap of us v. them and try to make sure that our side wins.

Jewish history teaches us otherwise. The winning side is the one which keeps people working together for a common future: the one that listens to every person and becomes wiser for it.