I am a passionate Jewish person with an almost fanatical love for most things Jewish. So it’s understandable that I feel strongly that this is the time to revisit and review things that have always been our positives, but now can make the difference The difference between living in darkness and enjoying a little light—- making this time tolerable and meaningful and even, occasionally, NORMAL.
I look at the world through a Jewish lens and these times are no different.
I believe that a lot of what we are taught to do, makes sense in terms of making us and keeping us whole.
What I’m feeling, I know you are too
Afraid, Disappointed, angry, worried. Also some cabin fever, loneliness….
you understand
If you’re a planner, a social person, a shopper, sports fan, a traveler, an eater-outer, it’s especially hard.
So, I’m going to share what helps me.
What I’m going to say comes from many sources. Much is my own, but I’m also sharing ideas from others. I’m beholden to Alan Morinis, Mussar Institute.
As it’s helped me, I pray it helps you guys, at least a bit.
Not only am I an experienced Jewish educator, I’m also a Jewish mother, so I’m amply credentialed to give advice.
A. FEAR,
We can’t make it go away, but we can cope better. Rather than allowing those thoughts to constantly occupy all the prime real estate in our heads, we can push those things, at least for a while, out to the fringes, and use that prime real estate brain space for positive purposes.
First we’ve got to talk about being afraid. For me the intensity varies, but it’s always there.
I know that I’m most fearful when I realize that I have little control of what’s going on. Fear is a result of feeling powerless.
Have you heard of Bitachon?
BI TA CHON* sense of security, confident attitude
Bitachon may be one of the most difficult middot (traits) to acquire. The Hebrew root for Bitachon is bet tet, chet. בטח which means to be at ease, to trust and to be confident. In modern Hebrew the word Bitachon also means security and so the Misrad HaBitachon is the Israeli Defense Ministry.
In our tradition, the ultimate source of this sense of security is God.
There is no greater a challenge to the idea that we can rely on God than the shoa. However, Bitachon was also a challenge in Biblical times when Jewish society more readily accepted the idea of an all-powerful God.
Of course, it’s challenging to have Bitachon now.
There’s a very practical lesson from Torah that Rabbi David Jaffee callsThe “Manna Test” —- Just days after the Israelites crossed the Red Sea and after profound kvetching God provides Manna, but only allows the people to take exactly what they need and not to save any for the next day. If they do save it, it rots (Exodus 16:4-20). Then the worry sets in. Will they have enough to eat? G-d said we’d have enough. Can we trust HER? That is potentially dangerous because a feeling of fear can lead to greed, violence and the worst aspects of human behavior.
The manna test was very carefully crafted. God could have just given every household the amount of Manna it needed to fulfill is daily nutritional requirements. BUT NO, people needed to work for their food by collecting the manna from the field and it had limits.
We need to use our capabilities to fully do what we can. But, at the same time we need to recognize that it is not all in our control. Even if, in the past, we believed “I got this,” now we can’t say that. we can’t know.
Even if outcomes can’t be predicted, the Jewish ethical practice we call Mussar, teaches us to do our best to return our hearts and minds to an even keel.
HOW? Rabbi Zack Fredman suggests—
Try to give language to your fear. Sharing it with a friend actually helps give us a small sense of control, if you will
I’m afraid of my parents getting sick, of dying
son getting sick at work,
how the world seems to be turning on the Jews
For some reason, it’s still hard, but it’s even harder if the fears are nameless
Bitachon does not require that we have absolute trust in God. There is a continuum, and we each get to locate our own souls on the continuum. Some people move through life with an unshakeable belief in God’s protection. Others are much more anxious and worry fills their days. Neither extreme is good. Wherever you are on this continuum, working on Bitachon means moving towards balancing trust with taking initiative when appropriate.
Where are you on the continuum of trust and control?
In answering this question for yourself, you gain better self- awareness and this awareness can be translated into POWER….
B.Chicken Soup
We all know and believe with certainty the highly authenticated irrefutable scientific fact that chicken soup cures many ills. Did you realize that that’s not the only Jewish cure? There are others out there.
So what are some other chicken soup equivalent remedies?
- Shlemut, what does shalom really mean
means wholeness inside and out
It’s the antidote to anger seek shalom
shalom bayit you don’t always have to win, petty, let it go.
compartmentalize your immediate world and the broader one,
don’t fret over what you can’t impact. Limit your information intake
cut off the negative talk, change the subject,
BUT, by using your brains, your bodies and your hearts with intentionality at this time, you not only can make others feel whole. You complete yourself. That’s shlemut.
2.Calendar
People of the calendar……totally portable, even in isolation, sense of normalcy.
Every day is a “zeh ha yom” day. Wear something that makes you happy. Wear colors. Do something that makes you happy. I have a crazy hat. Don’t care what you think. Makes me happy.
great gift of shabbat
We often say that. Now think about what that really means and make it true for yourself and others.
Make Shabbat extra special in how you dress, eat, connect,
If you use tech on shabbat, you can still be a part of the davening.
Anticipate holidays and plan them. Don’t let the holidays slip by. like we did for pesach, and are doing for shavuot,
That cliche is golden—Everyday on the calendar IS a gift
- Job description Now’s a good time to remind ourselves, why we’re here on earth. As long as we’re here, we’ve got a Jewish job description —- L’taken et ha olam….to improve the world, at least our little piece of it. And the pandemic has not laid us off. Not only is our job still there, in fact, we’re essential workers. So we can’t sit on the sofa and grow roots, because we’ve still got our job as agents of change. That’s why we’re here. This matters in Judaism. It’s a foundational principle. l’ taken et ha olam to make the world better So live your life with a sense of purpose every day, even now. It helps the world and it goes a long way in helping us cope.
- We’re in challenging times
Rambam self-improvement
The Rambam taught that challenges are
opportunities for self-improvement and must be met head on.
French, Yoga, Astrophysics if you want
Not the time to be tech phobic, Embrace tech… Even stretch your personality ” I’m not a social person”
Don’t hesitate doing new things because they make you uncomfortable
The Lobster Lesson
eem lo achshav
- Community
It’s a fact that Judaism preferences the community over the individual
Do not separate, may be a little harder now, but I feel, in real ways, it’s easier
Nothing like a pandemic to teach us that we're all connected.
Let this sense of connection transform in to action.
Henayni, Here I am!
do community not be a loner
Now is the time to use every tool you can, including tech
to belong, to give and to accept help
Redefine and expand your community. Not just your immediate circle. Think of someone you see who is usually alone. Or whose name you must ask or who you met once in passing, or who is new to your world.
make an acquaintance into a friend
STRETCH
Think out of the box, Maybe not the living room driveway, parking lot, through the window.
TECH
broaden your world, communications learning, friends, nature,
You have at least two tools: Your Words and Your Ears
The power of words can heal and soothe and your ears. LISTEN
- 100 brachot a day….Attitude of gratitude,
tzedakah, let people service people know you care,
thank you sign - Simcha, Rina, Sason, lots of words in Hebrew, make them more them words, make them experiences. Zeh ha yom joy. a good word turns to joy. .
Drive by, wave, make a sign ….. food, jokes, connection, sign at door, weird hat, Humor - Cursing…. When all else fails I recommend cursing..at least the idea of it.. It’s actually a pretty Jewish thing
(Toronto Globe and Mail Opinion Piece)
Verbal wit can serve as a safe outlet for repressed impulse, especially if you create those curses and keep them to yourself or only yell at the TV.
Don’t confuse Yiddish curses with the Hebraic curses of the Bible. Hebrew curses were deadly serious. Yiddish ones can be downright cathartic, especially if you just keep them to yourselves.
Try employing this technique for therapeutic purposes only, keep in mind that these curses lull you with their seeming innocence, then flatten your theoretical target with the punch line.
“May you lose all your teeth except one – so you can have a toothache.”
“May your mother-in-law treat you like her own daughter – and move in with you!”
“May they name a baby after you soon.”
You might have some fun, perhaps with the help of others in creating your own contemporary Jewish curses:
May the ice cream in your Instacart delivery be melted.
May your tweets always be one character too long.
May you forever live under the cloud of poor cellphone reception,
except, G-d forbid, when your children need you.
Closing
It’s okay to be okay.
Dan l’chaf judge others leniently, yourself, too
My closets are still imperfect
Say hineni for others and for yourself. (Closing)
Wandering Jew the plant
We Jews are mightily prepared to cope. We’ve had lots of learning opportunities throughout our history. Yet, we’ve always prevailed. We will prevail and survive again L/briut, l’shalom, L’chaim!!
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